


Which one of you bitches gave me a cold

by Zoya113



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: F/M, I wrote this in five minutes it was fun, sickfic but EVERYONE is sick this time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:28:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22677961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoya113/pseuds/Zoya113
Summary: Everyone in the office has caught a cold and they’ll be damned if they don’t get to the bottom of this
Relationships: Emma Perkins/ Paul Matthews, Ted/ Charlotte
Comments: 2
Kudos: 83





	Which one of you bitches gave me a cold

**Author's Note:**

> Ignore the logic that u can pass on a cold to multiple people and also ignore that incubation time exists

“Okay, which one of you fuckers gave me the cold!?” Ted basically kicked the door off its hinges, glaring at the IT workers on the other side. He was red in the face and he couldn’t even continue on with his interrogation without coughing. He dragged his sleeve under his nose in an attempt not to appear so slobbery in front of his victims. 

“Oh, you too?” The bin at Bill’s desk was accumulating used tissues and his eyes were watery. “Who do you think gave it to you?” 

“Ah,” Charlotte clutched her hands to her chest, frowning. “I’m sorry Ted, I must’ve given it to you when, uh...” she trailed off and her face flushed red, not from her cold. “I’m so sorry, can I make you some tea?” 

“No Charlotte, no, no,” he kept his grimace cold and hard, glaring at the other two. 

Paul tugged at his collar, coughing just to clear his throat but it quickly devolved into a bought of coughs and he had to drink half his water to get it to go away. 

“Suspicious, Paul!” He stormed over to snatch a tissue from Bill’s tissue box, wiping his nose. “But this is suspicious too, huh? You’ve only had the cold for a day or so,” he was playing detective, gesturing to his tissue box that was still half full. “You must’ve been the one to give it to Charlotte! Yeah, I know you,” he snarled triumphantly. “Always with your holding hands and pats on the back, you’re a very material man Bill, did you give it to Charlotte?” 

He laughed, bashful. “Oh I must’ve. I gave her the wrong coffee cup the other day because ours are so similar! I’ve given it to Alice too, and Alice gave it to her girlfriend and now half of Hatchetfield high is down with it! I feel just awful!” He pushed the tissue box over to Ted sympathetically. 

“Come on Bill, be a little more hygienic! It’s cold season god damn it!” It hurt him to raise his voice because his throat was so cracked. “So you’re patient zero huh?” He tore a few more tissues out, mostly for himself because he was unprepared, but he hoped it made Bill suffer when he was just that extra tissue short. 

Bill shook his head. “Nope. I got it from Melissa, no doubt about it.” 

“Why’re you playing detective all a sudden Ted? You can’t just leave us to our work?” Paul swallowed hard. 

“Who’s ass are you trying to cover, Paul?” He leant in to his face, inspecting his eyes for guilt. 

“Uh, no! I’m just saying we should keep this to this office, we don’t have to go tracing it back, you know?” He was awfully sweaty, but Ted wasn’t one to jump to conclusions, it could very well be from his own cold. 

“How do you know you got it from Melissa, Bill?” Ted questioned, leaning back to his desk with a growl rising in his sore throat. 

“Uh, I came to work early a couple of days ago and she was already at her desk so I thought I’d surprise her,” he began, rubbing his neck. “When I tapped her on the shoulder she yelled so hard she lost her breath and she coughed right into my face.” 

“Ew,” Ted recoiled in disgust at that idea. 

“Well Melissa must’ve gotten it from Mr Davidson,” Charlotte chimed in to help him. “They’ve been working together all week on a client presentation, and he had it first,” she nodded, enthusiastic to help. 

Paul waved his hands with a nervous laugh. “And he totally got it from Carol! And what’re you going to do? Beat Carol up?” He joked, leaning back in his chair to get away from Ted’s angry stare. 

“Carol, huh?” He considered it for a moment, but Paul was looking all too guilty. “Then where’d you get it from Paul? I was sure I heard you coughing in Mr Davidson’s office the other day, and don’t play dumb with me, I’ve got a prime view of his office.” He pointed an accusing finger at the lanky man. 

“Fine!” He cracked quickly under the pressure. “Yes, I gave it to Mr Davidson. I confess, I brought it to the office,” he held up his hands in defeat. “It was all me.” 

So then why was his tone still so funny, he was keeping secrets and Ted knew it when he saw it. And then all the pieces came together as the IT door reopened behind him, he turned slowly on his heels to see the new visitor to the party. 

“Hey guys,” Emma sniffed, “black coffee?” She side stepped Ted, obvious to the fury in his eyes.

“You!” He turned his finger to her as she set the coffee down, grabbing her shoulders to hold her still. “You gave Paul the cold!” It was in the bags under her eyes and the yellow-y tone to her skin. She was sniffling but her face wasn’t red and she hadn’t been coughing, the sickness was long gone from her but the ailments still remained. “It was you who gave it to Paul and spread it through the office!” 

She didn’t flinch, staring into his burning eyes with the impatience and boldness of someone who had just seen a cold off and no longer had to fear getting it. “Ted, keep holding onto me and I’ll spit in your stupid, agape mouth, then we’ll see who has a cold,” her tone was completely flat, she feared no man nor devil. 

“Gross!” He let go, distancing himself. “Here’s patient zero! Ring the fucking bells of shame or whatever because I found her!”

“What? No way,” she brushed him off, standing behind Paul to play with his hair as she spoke. “I got it from Zoey.”

“Should you be working hospitality with a cold?” Bill quickly put in, trying to get a foot in the conversation.

Ted felt his heart fall into his stomach, once it left the office it was a much harder thing to track, especially with borderline strangers. “Zoey?”

“Yeah, it’s flu season man and the theatre kids always get it first,” she clicked her tongue and shrugged. 

“God, theatre kids? Are you sure she didn’t get it from Nora or whatever and she’s patient zero?” He didn’t want to sound too hopeful because that only invited opportunity for Emma to make fun of him. 

“Nope, definitely the troupe, and I mean, who ever gave it to her could’ve picked it up from anywhere, I mean, they’ve been doing shows at the starlight for two weeks!” 

His jaw dropped. 

“And you know, who ever gave it to Zoey probably picked it up from the audience,” as tired as it was, her smile was still shit eating. “And well, that could be anyone in Hatchetfield.”


End file.
